im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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