in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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