i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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