i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
