found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
