pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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