Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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