I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
