I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
