my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
