none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
