News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
