Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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