Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
