The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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