just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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