her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
