I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
