why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
