'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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