I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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