I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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