Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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