When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
