I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
