You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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