why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
