She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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