So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I did not marry a roomba.
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