Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
