somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
