Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
