Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
