i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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