I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
