i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
