i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize