Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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