my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
