Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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