literally had 100 drinks last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your cock deserves a montage
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
