You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
