plz talk dirty to me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
