Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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