i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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