the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
ok first of all what the fuck
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
