Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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