The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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