Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He shit in the fireplace
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
