FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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