We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
