Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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