the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
