He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
