literally had 100 drinks last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
