Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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