I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
