hotel room ftw
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
