she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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