it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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