IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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