theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm at about main and main street
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
