i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
