We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the day after is always just damage control
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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