she woke up with a sticky ear
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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