i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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