Pappa wants mamma naked
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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