DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
