Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
