I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk is not a location!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
