OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
