apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
