it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
