I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
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