i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
