The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
