I wanna passion pit in your ass
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
