Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
