was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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