you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
