I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
