your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
