they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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